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Let's Pretend This Never Happened  

- Jenny Lawson


When we bought a new home, I asked the two questions I was always responsible for: "Has anyone ever died in the house?" And "How many bodies are buried on the property?" I always assume real estate agents are honest on the first question, because legally I think they have to disclose that, but technically I don't think they're required to answer the second. I used to ask whether anyone was buried on the property, but I was afraid that real estate agents weren't being honest with me, so I switched it to "How many bodies are buried on the property?" Because then it makes it sound like I expect there are bodies buried because that's totally normal, and so they'll be relieved and casually let slip that there are only two and a half bodies buried there. Victor says that my asking those questions is actually doing just the opposite, and that I'm making everyone uncomfortable, and then I point out that I'm actually fine with bodies buried on the property, but that I want to know where they are in case of the zombie apocalypse. This is the point when most real estate agents excuse themselves. Probably because it's boring to see couples arguing about the zombie apocalypse all the damn time. I expect this sort of thing is the downside to being a real estate agent.

About the book:

In the #1 New York Times bestseller, Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Lawson takes readers on a hilarious journey recalling her bizarre upbringing in rural Texas, her devastatingly awkward high school years, and her relationship with her long-suffering husband, Victor.

Buy book on Amazon

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